Our Definition of Friendship
Our working definition of friendship is a "reciprocal investment in particular personhood. Each person has a particular way of expressing their values, their projects, their quirks. To befriend someone is to take them seriously as an individual, to learn to love the specific ways they present themselves and to help them be better by their own lights. To do this well and healthily friends should reciprocate this kind of attention and mutually learn to love one another.
Reciprocity refers to a mutual interest in the other’s wellbeing and manner of living. Both parties should feel a reason to take a stake in the other’s life.
Investment means commitment with costs, stakes, and a potential return. To invest in a friend is to take seriously that we cannot know how things will turn out while also expressing a willingness to take that journey. All healthy relationships should have a component of investment. I should take a stake in time we spend. I commit to give attention, time, and so on, and we try to make it work.
That the investment is reciprocal is to say that everyone involved takes a stake and meaningfully contributes.
Particular personhood refers to the specific ways that human beings express their identities, projects, and values. A friendship should go beyond a concern for humanity as such. I should be concerned for the specific ways in which you choose to express your humanity. Cultivating an attitude of concern, learning how to love you, how to be present for you, is an investment and one which both parties should steward.